Fake Words

In honour of The Deeper Meaning of Liff, I decided to invent new words for things we all know about but can't describe concisely, and then post them on my LiveJournal. It started with just one (Sigourney), but more recently, I've tried to increase the lulz-per-square-inch.

For the first time, here is the entire collection of Fake Words, in alphabetical order and slightly edited, the way they were never intended to be displayed.

Abercrombing - trying to impress someone who doesn't give a shit, like lying to your dentist about the sugar in your diet.

Accushock - the shock your mind experiences when being accused of something so completely bizarre and obviously bullshit that you have to step back and wonder if it's true.

Aristocom - the kind of joke that only other comedians find funny.

Carpool Tunnel Syndrome - the vague suspicion that, when the carpool lane diverges from the main highway (as it does at the 91W/55S and the 5N/405W junctions in Los Angeles, for instance), you're not going to end up where you expect.

Chemin de no fer - lit. road of "no" iron An archaic French expression for the path an argument takes when it turns into another argument entirely for no reason at all.

Cood - the facial expression of someone who was mistakenly expecting you to be surprised by something he's just told you.

Circumdawdle - to prepare for something, even though you have no intention of actually going through with it.

Circumdoodle - to prepare for something you strongly suspect will never happen.

Dyshit [DISS hit] - something or someone that's famous for being absolutely awful.

Eterbally - in the manner of a rocking chair right after someone gets off it. The ship was tossed around eterbally.

Fitch - (if you're a girl) that one girl at your place of work who's a total bitch. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. That one. She's the fitch.

Fluttershy - a humorously anti-climactic sneeze.

Glay - descriptive of someone who watches crappy TV shows and movies (e.g. Glee), but who is obviously outside their target market (e.g. cit. teenage girls and homosexuals). By extension, liking something you know you shouldn't because it's shit. You will try to convince yourself that you're being ironic, but you're not. You like it for the same reason the stupid people like it. You're being glay.

Groocy - (doing something while) dirty, and not caring.

Inhoring - spending time subtly directing the conversation towards something you wish to discuss, which would sound self-serving if brought up directly.

Inhore Drop - a mention of something you want to discuss, followed by the pretence that you didn't.

Jidding - claiming, after someone's feelings have been hurt, or to avert a possible violent episode, that you were just kidding, when you obviously weren't.

Juddow - one of the slew of mid-2000s generic, highly formulaic comedy movies starring some combination of Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Jason Siegel, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, usually involving Judd Apatow in some way.

Helsinki Syndrome - realising that you've been calling something by the wrong name for so long that you might as well just stick to it.

Kinkesque - sort of kinky but not really, or expressive of the wish to be kinkier than you are.

Loddle - a noise which occurs only in the night time when everything else is quiet; it might be a gentle clicking, or a light rattle of some sort; it occurs intermittently, and seems to be sensitive to your efforts to track it down.

Machina Nervosa - a fear that some piece of automatic equipment (an automatic door at a supermarket, an escalator, the baggage carousel, a new traffic light etc.) will mysteriously stop working when it's your turn.

Miffled - an uneasy feeling which occurs when two of your Facebook contacts who don't know each other become friends.

Miffle Jockey - one who goes through your Facebook contacts and adds everyone that looks interesting.

Mistalgia - A feeling of nostalgia for something that didn't happen to you.

Noaboo - one with a specific dislike of Japanese popular culture.

Parkington - one who publicly discusses bowel movements; a public discussion about bowel movements.

Peeble - that annoying, repetitive, regular high-pitched tone which indicates that just around the corner, a giant truck is reversing.

Pet Satiety - when you've finally had enough of the endless series of pointless chores that masquerades as a "game" on certain Facebook apps, like Pet Society or Farmville.

Phonytail - a fake ponytail, and by extension, any artificial hair girls put on themselves.

Ploybay - a recognisable brand-name in a TV show, sufficiently altered to avoid a lawsuit.

Poodge - descriptive of someone who asks you to guess something is obviously disappointed when you guess correctly.

Purcell's Law - "As the length of a discussion thread increases, the probability of someone calling Barry a cunt approaches 1." © Bernard O'Leary

Renopause - the gap between the start of a slightly reworked live song and the applause of recognition.

Right Blindness - the inability (or unwillingness) of someone in authority to notice when he has lost an argument.

Roach - one who looks like you (according to popular consent), but who looks nothing like you, or is staggering ugly. [From Dave Grohl, in answer to a question about his fans: 'They'll say, "My best friend looks exactly like you. You've got to meet him," and the elevator doors open and they're like, "Roach, come here." And it will be the ugliest dude you've ever seen. Every time.']

Saggup - a sudden cheery change of tone in the middle of a heated argument when the waiter comes around to take your order.

Scrimble - to go off topic on an internet message board and turn a thread into a series of pointless wisecracks.

Scrimble Blight - the tendency for scrimbling (q.v.) to spread across threads and forums.

Scrimblebitch - a poster or Admin who complains about scrimbling without actually providing any quality content himself.

Scrimblefudge - the panicked efforts of an Admin or mod to get the thread back on-topic without killing what looks like the most interesting thread on the board.

Shobby - a hobby at which, despite countless hours over many years devoted thereunto, you're no good.

Sickelganger - one who seems to have the same health problems you have.

Sigourney - a chick who's too old to be hot now, but whom you would imagine to have been attractive when she was young. However, on investigation, she turns out not to have been.

Sliddy - attractive in a particularly futuristic way. "Have you seen the new iMac? It's really sliddy!"

Slired - the condition whereby you're too tired to do anything about a loddle (q.v.); but not sleepy enough to ignore it and drop off. © Christina J. Park

Sluddism - the opposite of charisma.

Snirk - to place an item on a shelf where you know it doesn't belong (esp. in a supermarket).

Snootch - Something really stupid you do or say during sex.

Spicious - not so much too spicy, but too much of the wrong spice, or a bad mix of spices that makes no sense to your tastebuds. © L. Huong Ta

Steampink - A genre of fiction with homosexual themes, set in an alternative reality with a Victorian aesthetic, where steam is the dominant source of power.

Stockholm Syndrome by Proxy - hearing or reading about a kidnapping and identifying more with the kidnappers than the victim.

Tanta Mount - A girl with whom you came very close to having sex, but never did, due to time constraints, intervention of her husband, last minute attack of conscience, etc. It will never happen now, and you will always wonder. A true tanta mount will, if you're still in contact, hint at potential future couplings to boost her ego, even though you both know the sad, lonely truth.

Titanica - The vague feeling that you're going to dislike something just because everyone else likes it so much.

Torhetical Question - a question which you are refusing to answer for reasons of your own.

Twinching - following someone around different social networks and adding them to your contact list.

Typhot [TIE foe] - a form of typographical error where you mistype an entire word instead of just a letter; for instance "open the willow" instead of "open the window".

Vagilinte [vaj eh LIN tee] - a female vigilante.

Willerson - one of the slew of late 90s/early 2000s generic, highly formulaic comedy movies starring some combination of Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughan and John C. Reilly.

Whino - one who is, it seems, addicted to complaining, and might suffer serious withdrawal symptoms should that facility be denied them. Health, annoying workmates, stupid boyfriends: everything's always going horribly wrong, it's always someone else's fault, and they never shut up about it. The kind of person who doesn't understand that other people don't give a shit, and the correct response to "How are things?" is "Fine thanks, you?" A true whino will also never ask about you, or care about anything that happens to you, but if he does, it will merely serve to render the more acute by comparison the sufferings of the whino.

Wine Bluff - one who refers to wine in abstract human terms (cheeky, indolent, etc.), but who has no friends.

Wozzed - briefly stunned, or surprised, by how little you care about something.

Yoogling - searching for something on YouTube.

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