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Old Jokes HomeThere is an internet newsletter called Popbitch, basically a celebrity gossip magazine. Unlike its printed comrades, however, it's very funny. In fact, the only part of it that isn't funny is the last part, called "Old Jokes Home". I keep forgetting what the old jokes are, so I'm recording them here for my own benefit, starting from today. If you wish to subscribe to Popbitch, which I recommend (unless you're easily offended or David Hasselhoff), go to their site. 2010Old Joke 2 DECEMBER 10Just got a new aftershave that smells
of breadcrumbs. Old Joke 25 NOVEMBER 10Q: What is a wok used for? Old Joke 18 NOVEMBER 10My racing snail was not winning races
any more, so I decided to remove his shell
to make him more aerodynamic. Old Joke 4 NOVEMBER 10I texted my boss, "What's the difference between
this morning and your daughter?" Old Joke 21 OCTOBER 10Q: What's nine-and-a-half inches long
and satisfies all c**ts? Old Joke 14 OCTOBER 10Q: What's the difference between
a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot? Old Joke 7 OCTOBER 10Q: Why don't amputees go to heaven? Old Joke 30 SEPTEMBER 10Q: What goes across the Periodic Table? Old Joke 23 SEPTEMBER 10Q: What's the difference between
Basil Brush and a suicide bomber? Old Joke 16 SEPTEMBER 10Q: What do George Michael and Chilean miners
have in common? Old Joke 9 SEPTEMBER 10I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. Old Joke 19 AUGUST 10Q: What do you call a woman with two cunts? Old Joke 12 AUGUST 10I Saw my mate earlier in town. He only has one arm. Old Joke 6 AUGUST 10Q: What do you get if you insert human DNA
into a goat? Old Joke 22 JULY 10An elderly Jewish couple are walking down the street
when a man jumps out, throws open his coat and flashes. Old Joke 2 JULY 10Q: What do you call a man with no shins? Old Joke 24 JUNE 10Q: What did the Scottish epileptic little person
get for his birthday? Old Joke 10 JUNE 10Q: What is a pirate's favourite shop? Old Joke 10 JUNE 10Q: What's the world's most dangerous ocean? Old Joke 3 JUNE 10A man was rushed to hospital when a bizarre sex
game went wrong leaving him with six toy horses
stuck up his arse. Old Joke 28 MAY 10Q: What's harder than cutting a puppy in half? Old Joke 20 MAY 10Q: What do you call a Pakistani Elvis impersonator? Old Joke 13 MAY 10Q: What's worse than a lobster on your piano? Old Joke 4 MAY 10: Special solo1 editionQ; How do UKIP a plane in the air? Old Joke 29 APRIL 10Q: What's the difference between Lenny Henry
and Thierry Henry? Old Joke 22 APRIL 10: Special volcano editionQ: What's the difference between Eyjafjallajoekull
and Cheryl Cole? Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann
and the Icelandic volcano? Old Joke 15 APRIL 10A man goes to the doctor. The doctor shakes his
head and says, "I'm sorry but you're going to
have to stop masturbating". Old Joke 8 APRIL 10Q: What happens when you mix up your Viagra
and laxatives? Old Joke 18 MARCH 10Jonathan Ross only goes to rugby matches to
play pranks on people. Old Joke 12 MARCH 10Q: How does the blind parachutist know when
he's about to land? Old Joke 4 MARCH 10I went on a trip to a postcard factory last week. It was OK. Nothing to write home about. Old Joke 18 FEBRUARY 10A guy sacked from the dodgems is taking his
employers to court. Old Joke 11 FEBRUARY 10Q: How do you confuse a tabloid reader? Old Joke 4 FEBRUARY 10Q: How many musos does it take to screw in
a lightbulb? Old Joke 21 JANUARY 10Gary Glitter had his dreams crushed when he found out that the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a job advert. Old Joke 14 JANUARY 10
A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked
the kids what kind of sound a pig makes. 2009Old Joke 3 DECEMBER 09Someone asked me the other day;
'What's your pet hate?' Old Joke 27 NOVEMBER 09Q: What happened to the blind rabbi when he
performed a circumcision? Old Joke 19 NOVEMBER 09Q: Why was 6 scared of 7? Old Joke 12 NOVEMBER 09Q: What's black and makes women cry? Old Joke 5 NOVEMBER 09Q: What's the fastest thing on land? Old Joke 16 OCTOBER 09Q: What do you call a Mexican who has just
recovered from Swine Flu? Old Joke 10 SEPTEMBER 09Q: What do you call someone turned on by Turkish dips? Old Joke 3 SEPTEMBER 09Q: What do you call a cow with two legs? Old Joke 13 AUGUST 09Q: Did you hear about the apple crumble trial? Old Joke 6 AUGUST 09A termite walks into a pub and says: Old Joke 30 JULY 09A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi
and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and asks: Old Joke 23 JULY 09Q: What do you call a bullet proof Irishman? Old Joke 2 JULY 09Q. What is Osama Bin Laden's favourite dessert? Old Joke 18 JUNE 09Q. What's yellow and hides in Afghanistan? Old Joke 11 JUNE 09Q: How do find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow? Old Joke 25 MAY 09Q: What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Old Joke 24 APRIL 09Usain Bolt goes to the clubhouse in Augusta and asks to become a member. The secretary says: "I'm sorry, Sir, we can't accept you here but there's a multi-racial club 10 minutes down the road." Old Joke 9 APRIL 09Q: What's the difference between cancer and a cow? Old Joke 2 APRIL 09I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could
teach me how to do the splits. Old Joke 26 MARCH 09Two antennae meet on a roof, fall in love and decide to get married. The service wasn't up to much, but the reception was excellent. Old Joke 19 MARCH 09Q: What do you get when you cross Fergal
Sharkey with Bernard Manning? Old Joke 5 MARCH 09A bloke goes into the doctors and says, Old Joke 26 FEBRUARY 09An elderly man walks into a confessional. He tells the
priest: Old Joke 20 FEBRUARY 09I just brought my epileptic brother a strobe light for his birthday. He's going to have a fit when he sees it. Old Joke 6 FEBRUARY 09Yorkshire man: "Ah've come to see thee abaht me cat." Old Joke 22 JANUARY 09What does the US Airlines flight which crash-landed
in the Hudson have in common with the film Top Gun? Old Joke 15 JANUARY 09It seems Suggs is marching against racism and homophobia. Old Joke 8 JANUARY 09There's been a new addition to the Karma Sutra. It's called the gas board position - you stay in all day and nobody comes. |
