Lamebook: Special Boz Edition
There is a site called lamebook.com, which styles itself as a repository of "Funny Facebook Statuses, Fails, LOLs and More", which is an accurate description. It's also one of the few sites of its type which updates many times daily with quality content. I recommend it highly, despite my own troubled history with it. If you've never seen it, go check it out now, bookmark, love it, etc. This is my attempt to do my own version of it, using examples from my own Facebook, or the Facebook pages of my friends. Most of these comprise racist or sexist gibberish that seemed like a good idea at the time (three o'clock in the morning) but turned out to be either hilarious or borderline actionable, or both, depending on your point of view. Some of these have appeared before on my LiveJournal, and one in particular has appeared on lamebook.com itself. Some of these are quite long, so if you don't like reading, this is not the page for you. Lastly, all these people are my friends. I'm not trying to insult any of them, or make any of them feel bad in any way. If anything, these screencaps only serve to make me look like a racist, sexist, insensitive oaf. However, if you feel that I have gravely insulted you by questioning your sexuality, parentage, or the quality of your choice in friends, then let me know and we'll work something out. If you want your name or your image blocked out, tell me. I'll mock you for being a super-sensitive scrotum, but I'll do it. And the winners are...
This one went straight from zero to racist in one post. I blame Jenny Ho, MD. Back to winners
This Facebook comment thread really does have everything: Hitler, sex, AIDS, 9/11. Any comedy person worth a lick of shit will jump all over 9/11. Because it's funny. The reason it's funny is because so many, many uptight people have made it funny by insisting it's not. The only thing missing from this is a reference to paedophiles. Whoever manages to work paedophiles into a 9/11 joke will be a millionaire. Ideally, I should have waited five more days to post. Back to winners
What started out as an innocent bit of idiot-baiting has turned into something larger than myself and Frank Nguyen put together. The original post is on my LiveJournal, which I reposted on lamebook, but I've been getting messages from people around the world telling me how it has changed their lives and inspired them to be better people. The second half of that sentence is a lie, but I assume that they found it amusing enough to send an email. It's slightly depressing for me, because I wrote this completely ex tempore and everyone loved it. I've put a lot of time and effort into other posts that no one liked. After years and years of trying to make people laugh (with no small degree of success), I still have no idea what the secret is. Back to winners
This is pretty straight-forward; I've never seen such an extreme mood switch between two concurrent Facebook posts. I want to know everything that happened inside that magic nine-hour ... period. Back to winners
All we can say for sure is that I'm definitely not gay, and Andrew's as gay as Christmas in Las Vegas. In other news, I demand a kudo for throwing "Aristotelian syllogism" into a comment thread without blinking. Back to winners
What I like about this (apart from the fact that she somehow managed to Like her own status twice) is that it leaves out all the juicy details that normally would populate a Facebook status update history. No, on this occasion you have to make up your own story to explain what went on here. And I did. And I'm going to make it into a movie. And that movie will have cats. Back to winners
The original intention here was to hilariously confuse the Winter Olympics with the Special Olympics. Then I realised that references to "fucking around in the snow" and a "snowman competition" rendered that source of humour meaningless. So I just had to run with the far less funny "joke" that the Winter Olympics are shit. Back to winners
This comment thread was edited for concision In my terse description of her value to the community, I made a rather bold claim regarding Kim's cavalier attitude to vaginas. I felt as though I should provide something stronger than anecdotal evidence to back it up. However, I'm claiming the invention of the word vagiñera™. Back to winners
Poor Ebony puts up with all sorts of racist gibberish from me. This is not the worst thing I've said to her. To her credit, she has never once smacked me over the head with a frying pan. Well, I say "credit" because I'm me. To any number of other people, that's a lost opportunity. Maybe she's waiting for the right moment, because let's face it - there isn't a judge in the land that would convict her even if she repeatedly stabs me in the back with a broken bottle. For the record, no one Liked this until after Ebony posted "lmfao", because my friends are all spineless closet racists. Back to winners
A simple comment about someone's face being off turns sour. But if I'm given a ball, I will run with at as far and as fast as I can until someone dies. Knowing that this is true, it surprises me how often people willingly throw a ball at me and tell me to run. This is what happened here. I have never met or spoken with Ruben, but I assume his penis is small. Back to winners
Tim is a decent human being who actually contributes something worthwhile to the community. He works with young people, and he's probably the only evangelical Christian on the planet who isn't going to have the shit kicked out of him if Jesus ever comes back. There is no badness in him at all. Not like me. The only reason I'm still standing upright is because the molecules of badness are holding hands. I was trying to make people uncomfortable by asking how morally acceptable it is to ogle underage photos of a girl if it she's the girl you happened to be married to. The bible is useless in this particular case. Back to winners
The humour here derives from the idea that someone thought Chi looks like her friend "in this picture". Well, she does. Her and every other Asian chick, because they "or rook" the "saem". Somehow I managed to convince her sister Diep to type "or rook saem" under the photo for maximum impact. The lulz are strong with this one. Back to winners
This comment thread was edited for concision As most of you are aware, I'm not new to the humour game and I love trying out new material on the road. However, how is calling someone a cocaine-addled paedophile (for no reason at all) not funny? Did I miss that meeting? When he saw what he was up against (i.e. someone who could out-pretentious anyone), he could have just thrown in the towel. But when he posted about all those children who had their lives ruined by abuse, that was my signal to go in for the kill. The link in the last bit is just a Google screengrab. Normally in these things I'm clearly the asshole, but in this case, I have real competition from a guy who seems determined to come across as a materialist ("42inch panasonic 400hz plasma television"), humorless prick. I know I'm biased, but to me it's a genuine toss-up. As always, I welcome opinions. In other news, for people who don't know, I'm Canadian now. Back to winners
And now you will never unsee it. You're welcome. Back to winners
This comment thread was edited for concision Sometimes it pays to know a foreign language. This was not one of those times. Back to winners
Yes, it's a cheap joke, and no I don't care. Back to winners |
