Thoughts on the Presidential ElectionPublished in the UCC University Examiner 22nd October 1997 I note with interest the recent developments in the presidential race, namely the discovery that Adi Roche has been heartlessly getting people off their lazy F.A.S. arses and convincing them to do some work for a change. This latest incident is just one of many that turns the presidency into something with slightly less dignity than the scramble by the US press to get those ‘final’ pictures of ‘Princess’ Diana. (Remind me to come back to Diana and Mother Theresa during the coming weeks) For a start, the laughable notion that John Hume should be considered a candidate. I have nothing against the individual personally, but as MP for the SDLP, he takes his seat in Westminster. Therefore he declares allegiance to the queen on a regular basis. What kind of president of a republic declares allegiance to the monarch of a different country? The same argument goes for Dana, who works and operates mainly in the USA. The USA only accepts full citizenship upon declaration of allegiance to their flag (presumably in the absence of a figurehead with any kind of integrity), so I don’t see how someone who has done this can expect to achieve the presidency of this country. The rest of the candidates seem to be fairly bland, like cream of vegetable soup, except for Adi Roche. Adi Roche, as I intended discussing in my first paragraph, has come under fire for not being a paragon of virtue in her capacity as boss of the Chernobyl children’s thing which is all wonderful and happy, but it still needs a leader. We hear a lot in the media about labour unions and strikes and all the reasons why workers have it so bad; basically a lot of whining - it’s what Irish people are good at. Well, it’s nothing to being a boss, or worse, being a self-employed boss. Being in charge is not an easy ride; it’s hard work. Being the boss of a country (figurehead or otherwise) is likewise not a cushy job. Providing effective representation of the Irish nation, projecting the fresh, independent image of Ireland we all like to see when in foreign parts (other than the east end of London, presumably), and maybe even a little extra-curricular guidance of the nation are all on the agenda. Now I find that the whole thing has been trivialised by a group of bitter grunts and losers (who seem to be grasping and scraping at the only power they will ever have) whose sum total of reasons why Adi Roche should not be president run along these lines: “Well, she told us to clean the hall and the toilet. Very roughly. And she wanted the F.A.S. employee to do some work, too. She wasn’t nice about that either.” The ability to handle power has nothing to do with being nice, whether you are in charge of a charity organisation, a college society, or the country. When dealing with the public and the media, it is prudent at all costs to appear nice, but when they’re not looking, if things are going to get done at all, then being nice is not an option. Being ruthless, direct, blunt and assertive tend to be the order of the day here. Sometimes grunts with no vision and little talent (such as the group calling themselves, somewhat laughably, as Concerned Group Not Supporting Adi Roche (the lack of intellect is seen in their choice of name - it does not form a clever acronym, like IMPACT, or BASIC. No, for them it’s CGNSAD)) don’t understand this point (or anything), and as telling someone to bugger off is viewed as rude, some of these useless sods manage to hang around wasting space and oxygen for years, under the impression that they are doing something helpful. Frequently, when it is suggested to them that they might clean up their act, they either break down in tears, or show no emotion whatsoever, but go home and write it in their diary, and for the next five years conduct a campaign against the boss, taking note of every little thing he does that may some day prove useful if he ever decides to go for president. I would suggest that this is exactly what has happened here - a group of individuals who were lazy or useless, were told so by their boss and now is the perfect time to make good on their petty vindictive vendetta. Wake up and smell the coffee you mutants! The Chernobyl children’s project isn’t about you or Adi Roche, it’s about Chernobyl children, so get over it and try not to get fired too quickly from whatever unlucky company you manage to weasel yourself into. A final thought - if the candidates were clothes, Dana would be flares, Adi Roche would be a cocktail dress and Mary McAleese and Mary Banotti would be a pair of jeans and a jumper respectively. Next week - ten reasons why I’m glad Diana and Mother Theresa are dead. This is Barry, signing off from the bogs. |