Misfortune Cookies

I'm sick of fortune cookies, with stupid, banal expressions of advice and wilted attempts at analysis, all phrased in such a way that placing the words "in bed" after them makes them funny. I want to see some realistic fortunes. Or at the very least something that will make me stop and think, or something that would make no sense at all if you put the words "in bed" after it.

These are my suggestions. I say "my", but exactly 50% of these were cooked up by Philip Kehoe.

  1. You will fail.
  2. Your friends say bad things about you.
  3. Everyone knows you're gay. Stop lying to yourself.
  4. You need to see a doctor about your weight problems.
  5. (your suggestion to solo1@eircom.net)

Insert message here.