On-line Christian Soldiers
Chapter 3: Larry Sparks
WARNING: What follows is the very essence of TL;DR. You may actually be slightly less intelligent after reading all of it. No one should do so. There is one confirmed case of a poor American girl who read this whole page, and now all she can read is Dan Brown books. In an Australian accent. Don't be like Becky. Do not read this page.
There is a man called Larry Sparks. He lives in Alabama. He is one of a number of people who fit into the Republican/conservative/Christian box. They were running the country for while, and they seem very annoyed that Barack Obama has taken over. Now, I'm not here to defend Barack Obama - he's a big boy and he can take care of himself. I'm here to make fun of stupidity and hopefully expose some hypocrisy and lies while I'm at it.
This is a screenshot of a piece of text written by Mr. Sparks on an internet message board. I cleaned it up a bit, grouped some of the sentences into paragraphs, added some bullets to make it easier to read, but I've not deleted or added a single word.
Again, my response is in text format, because it's easier to read. This is what I said, quoting each line of his post on my response.
I have noted that many elected officials, both Democrats and Republicans, called upon America to unite behind Obama.*0 Well, I want to make it clear to all who will listen that I AM NOT uniting behind Obama!
People just like you, when faced with the same attitude regarding Bush, the man who fucked your economy and killed thousands of your citizens in a self-evidently stupid and pointless war, considered this lack of unity tantamount to treason. So, sir, to you I say: Why do you hate America?
I will respect the Office which he holds, and I will acknowledge his abilities as an orator and wordsmith and pray for him, BUT that is it.
You respect nothing about him, you lying sack of shit.*1
Why am I doing this?
I have a few ideas.
It is because I do not share Obama's vision or Value system for America.
This should be good.
I do not share his Abortion beliefs;
Obama is in favour of women having the choice to have an abortion. If you don't want one, don't have one. Under Obama's system, EVERYONE gets what they want. Under your system, a significant proportion of women would be forced to seek illegal and dangerous surgical procedures. All research indicates that the same number of women get abortions whether it's legal or not. Way to be compassionate.
I do not share his radical Marxist's concept of re-distributing wealth;
You do realise that educated people in Europe and independent-minded people in America find this statement not just incorrect, but hilarious? You are betraying a criminal lack of education when you call Obama a "radical Marxist".*2
I do not share his stated views on raising taxes on those who make $150,000+*3 (the ceiling has been changed three times since August);
I don't know if these figures are correct, but I can't see what's wrong with taxing rich people more... can you?
I do not share his view that America is Arrogrant;*4
That's not his view. You're a lying sack of shit. However, given that you're from the same group of people that treat with contempt any attempt to deal with America as an equal partner, it seems hypocritical of you to even mention this.
I do not share his view that America is not a Christian Nation;
Thankfully, you're wrong about that. America is a nation for all people and beliefs. This idea works perfectly until one group decides that the other groups aren't good enough. Christianity is turning into one of those groups, as your statement indicates. It's ugly and small-minded, and frankly, this country doesn't need that right now.
I do not share his view that the military should be reduced by 25%;*5
I like the way all these claims are unsourced. But that's how you people work, isn't it? Just say things, and don't bother backing it up with anything. Maybe you get that from the bible. It doesn't work in the real world. And if you think it does, I have some cold fusion technology you might be interested in.
I do not share his view of amnesty and giving more to illegals than American Citizens who need help;
What the hell are you talking about? ANY time ANYONE suggests something to help poor Americans, people like you slap it down as "radical Marxism". You're contradicting yourself all over the place. Just pick a position and stick to it: Do you think Obama should enact measures to help poor Americans or not?
I do not share his views on homosexuality and his definition of marriage;
Thank god someone's finally standing up to the homosexuals! They've been menacing my neighborhood for ages now, and no one's doing a thing! They're stealing, scaring old people, vandalising public property, and generally acting as a public nuisance. Oh wait - no they're not. In fact, gay marriage won't affect you at all. Not one bit. So why you're suddenly so fucking interested in this thing that won't affect you at all - that's a bit weird, don't you think? Unless you're still taking instruction out of that little book you have, and just making up any old bullshit to try and make it sound like it's reasonable. You're not, are you? Larry - say it ain't so!
I do not share his views that Radical Islam is our friend and Israel is our enemy who should give up any land;
He's not said this. Again, you're a lying sack of shit. Radical Islam isn't even Islam's friend, so it's hardly going to be ours. Also, Israel won't be "giving up" any land. It'll be returning the land it stole from Arabs. Yes. Do you believe that stolen property should be returned? Or should we just accept that they are now the new owners and get on with it? If the latter, please let me know when you go to church and what sort of television you have.
I do not share his spiritual beliefs (at least the ones he has made public);
He's a Christian. It would surprise me greatly if I were to learn that this level of retardation were coming from someone other than a Christian. Surprise me, Larry.
I do not share his beliefs on how to re-work the healthcare system in America ;
Having made it this far, I can say with certainty:
1. You do not understand how the healthcare system currently works in the US.
2. You do not understand Obama's proposal to fix it.
The healthcare system in America is failing huge numbers of people. Socialised healthcare works pretty well for most of the developed countries in the world. Again, I'm not sure why you're so against something that would help everyone. Do you hate Americans so much that you'd rather see them die of preventable causes than admit a nationalised health service might work?
I do not share his Strategic views of the Middle East, and certainly do not share his plan to sit down with terrorist regimes such as Iran.
Well, if you're not going to talk to the bad guys, nothing will get done. All progress in Northern Ireland can be traced back to the willingness of the British government to talk to terrorists.*6 I'm sure this is true in a number of cases. Most of the problems people have, in general, are caused by a lack of communication. And you're proposing we "not talk" to Iran? What, are you four years old? "I'm not talking to him anymore"?
Bottom line, my America is vastly different from Obama's, and I have a higher obligation to my Country and my God to do what is Right!
I'm glad Obama's America is different from yours. Clearly you're an intolerant asshole with too much money, no understanding of history, and a tiny penis. Please note, however, that even if all the things you're saying are true, people like you are, in Obama's America, allowed to believe whatever you like and do whatever you want without censure, unless it gets in someone else's way. If the country was the way you want it, entire chunks of the population would be immediately disenfranchised.
For eight (8) years, the Liberals in our Society, led by numerous entertainers who would have no platform and no real credibility but for their celebrity status, have attacked President Bush, his family, and his spiritual beliefs!
You're using the word "liberal" like it's a bad thing. I don't think you know what it means.*7 Also, it's not just liberals and celebrities who attacked Bush. It's also educated people. Or any people who actually love America, instead of just saying they do, over and over.
They have not moved toward the center in their beliefs and their philosophies, and they never came together nor compromised their personal beliefs for the betterment of our Country!
Unlike you?
They have portrayed my America as a land where everything is tolerated except being intolerant!
But .. surely .. that's the way it should be? Are you seriously trying to paint intolerance as a virtue? If so, I'm sure there's a local branch of the Klan that could use your "talents".
They have been a vocal and irreverent minority for years; they have mocked and attacked the very core values so important to the founding and growth of our Country!
No, they're trying to get back the core values of this country that have been squandered on stupid wars and money-making schemes by Bush and his little friends. Also, minorities don't win election landslides.
They have made every effort to remove the name of God or Jesus Christ from our Society!
The First Amendment provides for a separation of church and state. Do you wish to see the First Amendment repealed? Why do you hate America!
They have challenged capital punishment, the right to bear firearms, and the most basic principles of our criminal code; they have attacked one of the most fundamental of all Freedoms, the right of free speech!
Capital punishment is banned in almost all the countries of the world. Certainly, America is the only developed country to use it. Now, what do they know that you don't? And remember to phrase your answer in a manner that could not be interpreted as indicating that America is arrogant.
The Second Amendment is worded in a way that is debatable. If you're not willing to have a debate on it, please see the First Amendment.
No one has attacked anyone's right to free speech. You, sir, are free to spout whatever hate-mongering lies you like, and I am free to prove you wrong, and mock you for thinking those things. That's how free speech works. How did you think it worked? You get to say what you like and no one else does? How arrogant is that?
Unite behind Obama? Never!
Why do you hate America! Larry - why?
I am sure many of you who read this think that I am going overboard, but I refuse to retreat one more inch in favor of those whom I believe are the embodiment of Evil!
I don't believe in Evil, but if I did, it would probably involve lies, hypocrisy, hate, intolerance. You know the sort of thing, right? You know what I mean. You know.
PRESIDENT BUSH made many mistakes during his Presidency, and I am not sure how history will judge him.
You don't really believe that do you? You don't think Bush made mistakes. He's an evangelical Christian, after all. One of the boys. One of us. And we take care of our own. Even if the country's finances, reputation, healthcare and education burn to the ground - basically he's a good guy, right?
However, I believe that he weighed his decisions in light of the long established Judeo-Christian principles of our Founding Fathers!!!
Wrong. They were secular. Nice try, though.
Majority rules in America , and I will honor the concept; however, I will fight with all of my power to be a voice in opposition to Obama and "his goals for America."
I think there are genuine voices of opposition in this country, but you, sir, are not one of them. If you "fight with all your power" in their favour, you're going to do them a great deal of harm. It's people like you that cause Sen. Arlen Specter*8 to change parties. This is a guy who opposes abortion, opposes any kind of gun control and who supports the death penalty. And they're too right-wing for him. Think on.
I am going to be a thorn in the side of those who, if left unchecked, will destroy our Country!! Any more compromise is more defeat!
A thorn in their side? Are you kidding? You're going to be a gift to the left! As though you had been placed on the planet by Jesus himself. The left thrives on people like you, who lie to support stupid causes, who make no effort to make sense ... you're going to give them an erection.
I pray that the results of this election will wake up many who have sat on the sidelines and allowed the Socialist-Marxist anti-God crowd to slowly change so much of what has been good in America !
Again, a fundamentally illiterate understanding of what the word "Marxist" means. Also, atheists aren't anti-God. They don't believe in a god at all, so they can't be against him.
"Error of Opinion may be tolerated where Reason is left free to combat it."
(Thomas Jefferson)*9
"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man."
-Thomas Jefferson
"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods, or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."
-Thomas Jefferson
"Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned. What has been the effect of this coercion? To make one half the world fools and the other half hypocrites"
-Thomas Jefferson
"Religions are all alike – founded upon fables and mythologies."
-Thomas Jefferson
"I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature."
-Thomas Jefferson
(no, really, Thomas Jefferson said those things)
*0Well, you know, he did win the election.
*1What does that even mean? He'll support the office of president but nothing else about it? Maybe he means the actual office where the president signs the forms. Either that or he has been sadly misinformed as to what US democracy means. Obama, whether or not you agree with him, has a substantial democratic mandate, something Bush never had, having scraped a victory in 2004 and invented one in 2000.
*2Seriously. I can't read this to my father because he's old and the inevitable fit of laughing might kill him.
*3This article from the Washington Post puts the number at $243,000. I have no idea where he got that figure.
*4The joke here is that it's not so much America that's arrogant, but people like Mr. Sparks, who insists that things be done his way or not at all.
*5I can find no source for this piece of information. Until I do, I'm categorising it as a lie.
*6Even though the government lied about it for years.
*7It means "open-minded, tolerant, favourable to progress or reform".
*8Ooh. Topical.
*9Again, only an embarrassing lack of education could excuse why a Christian would wheel out Thomas Jefferson (one of the most anti-Christian framers, as the ensuing quotes demonstrate) in his defence.
There's more
This guy deserves credit for one thing: having the balls to put his name and address at the end of his ill-researched, atavistic diatribe. Because of this bravery, I will refrain from sending him any letters. Also, religious people like Larry are generally not open to different opinions and ideas, so what would be the point? Only opinions which agree with his will be acknowledged. I can see the interview now:
"So I guess you've had a lot of mail!"
"I sure have!"
"And I suppose a lot of it is hate mail."
"Actually, not so much. I've been surprised and humbled by how many people were touched by my words and who agree with me."
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